The Four Loves
Analyzes the feelings and problems involved in different types of human love, including familial affection, friendship, passion, and charity.
The Four Loves
The Four Loves is a 1960 book by C. S. Lewis which explores the nature of love from a Christian and philosophical perspective through thought experiments. The book was based on a set of radio talks from 1958 which had been criticized in the U.S. at the time for their frankness about sex. C.S. Lewis examines storge or empathy love; philia, friendship love; eros, romantic love; and agape, or God love. Excerpt: "GOD is love," says St. John. When I first tried to write this book I thought that his maxim would provide me with a very plain highroad through the whole subject. I thought I should be able to say that human loves deserved to be called loves at all just in so far as they resembled that Love which is God."
Love's Sacred Order
When seeking to understand Christian love with some precision, we inevitably come to speak about order in loving. The title of this book, Love's Sacred Order, is intended to address the problem of the need for clarification in the matter of love, above all the question of the relationship among the different kinds of love, all of which make their legitimate claim on us. A central concern of these reflections is the fact that we can do as much harm to ourselves by being too restrictive as by being too permissive in what we allow to come under the heading of Christian love. The main intent of these meditations is to explore what the hierarchy might be that God established among all our human loves, on the one hand, and between these and the gratuitously revealed love of God that uncreated mystery, "kept secret for long ages", to which we could not have had access if God himself had not taken the initiative to manifest it in Christ Jesus. The author approaches this subject pondering and responding to issues raised in the widely known work of C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, of which the year 2000 marks the fortieth anniversary of publication. This volume, then, is offered as a modest contribution to our celebration of this year of the Great Jubilee of our redemption, as well as an homage to the great Christian writer.
Out of the Fog
Lying. Cheating. Manipulating. Will they ever change? What will it take to get through to them? They apologized, but will this time be different...or will they just get better at hiding what they are up to? This book will help you get out of the fog of confusion and into the clarity you are looking for. FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt." These three emotions are often at the core of manipulation, and are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling their targets. However, this type of destructive manipulation isn't just limited to narcissists and sociopaths. There is no shortage of people with well-intended bad advice out there who unintentionally fall into the FOG as well, and push targets of abuse into keeping the relationship going. The FOG is one of the main reasons that people stay "stuck" in abusive relationships for so long, why they continue to get involved with abusive people, why they feel that they are the problem, and why they tend to feel that the abuse is somehow their fault. When a person is being manipulated they have a hard time figuring out who has the problem, what is normal, what is problematic, and if their wants, needs, and feelings are valid. The disasterous effects of being lost in the FOG are confusion, crazymaking, people pleasing, and an erosion of boundaries. What makes this well-intended bad advice so damaging is that, on the surface, it seems like good advice--especially if it's coming from people who seem to have our best interests in mind, such as friends, family, church members, support group members, or a therapist. Some examples of this well-intended bad advice that comes from other people is: "Who are you to judge?" "No one is perfect." "You need to forgive them." "She's your mother, you need to have a relationship with her...she's not getting any younger you know." "Commitment is forever." What can be so crazymaking for targets is that they are often getting two very different messages. On one hand, they are told that they need to work towards a solution, and on the other, they are told that need to leave a partner who lies, cheats, steals, hits, yells, or belittles them. This book compares and contrasts of these concepts so that targets of any type of manipulation and abuse can make a more empowered decision. Some of the concepts covered are: Who are You to Judge vs. Being Discerning No One is Perfect vs. Tolerating Abuse You Need to Forgive Them vs. Keeping Yourself Safe A Parent vs. A Predator Commitment vs. Codependency Self-love vs. Selfishness A Person Acting the Part vs. A Person Actually Changing Gut Instincts vs. Hypervigilance A Friend vs. Someone Being Friendly Caring vs. Caretaking Being in Love With Them vs. Being in Love With Who They Pretended to Be Workable Behavior vs. Deal Breakers Acceptance vs. Allowance Going Through So Much Together vs. Being Put Through So Much By Them Sincerity vs. Intensity Healthy Bonding vs. Trauma Bonding Insincere Remorse vs. Sincere Remorse Reacting vs. Responding ...and many more.
Love
The book is concerned with questions about love: questions about its many forms, strands and aspects, and the relation in which they stand to each other. It is concerned with the way different aspects of sexual love conflict with each other, with the way self-regard and self-interest can corrupt love, and with spiritual love and its difficulties. It seeks the views of some writers who have suggested some distinctive solutions to the existential problems that love poses in the face of its obstacles: Plato, Proust, Sartre, Freud, D.H. Lawrence, Erich Fromm, C.S. Lewis, Kierkegaard, Simone Weil and Kahlil Gibran.
